Arpan’a’

Though I don’t fear
losing my body
somehow I fear
my other demise:

I fear that I might
lose the sight of
and a longing for
Your eyes.

Ba’ba’
there’s less and less
to hold
and cling onto.

I hope there’s also
less and less of “me”
and more and more
of You.

And if there isn’t
let there be
no “me”,
too!

You crumble me
to humble me.
To help me realize
there is no “me”.

Does it really matter
if I can assume
neither the right mood
nor the right posture?

Is it not O.K.
to even fall apart
as long as I offer it
in my final gesture?

For me,
to sit to think of You
is to be
even more aware
of my obvious and secret pains…

Oh, Lord,
oh, Saviour,
it’s so hard
and so slow
to give up the reins…

When I do
- there’s only You.

Sometimes I wish
I could remove
this body and this mind
from myself.

And remain only a self
- ever peaceful,
ever blissful,
pure, unblemished
consciousness.

And I want it
for every possible reason:
I’m mad,
I’m sick,
restless,
foolish, selfish
and of no good use.

And also:
to just enjoy Him,
as well as to amuse.

In every way,
in every story,
I am simply
Lord’s devotee…

I’d prefer to be in hell
but remembering You
than in any sort of heaven
where I’ve forgotten You.

And I wonder which is which
and is that really true:
can a hell be a hell
if You are there
and is there any heaven
where You aren’t anywhere?

No one is either
“right” or “wrong”
- difference is only
in the opinion.

Your love
is a blessing to me.

In grattitude,
I offer you
all my blessings.

Ba’ba’, please,
let me release
all the thoughts
that keep coming.

Without these
I’d be at ease
and there’d be
no more running.