Once upon a time
I made you in-charge
of my happiness:
you were charming
and gentle
and it seemed you’ve had fun.
At the same time
I made myself responsible
for managing your pain:
I was loving
and kind
and neither of us seemed to mind.
It all fell apart
when these duties
became hard:
we remembered
that we preferred
our own care, instead.
If this dream
is self-perpetuating,
it’s also OK.
I’m getting better
at dreaming;
I understand
and accept
my own scheming
and grow in trust
of Cosmic Imagination
- a source of and a ground for
my recreation.
My poems,
you’ve taught me
all I need to know:
when to die,
why to live,
how to grow.
I told you
all I knew…
… and saw it anew.
When grattitude grows
most profound
the unexpected fact
is found:
that to be loved
isn’t my honor
- it is my right.
I’m an expression
of my Extatic Creativity,
meant to experience
every possibility.
I never “deserve” It,
nor even “serve” It,
and It’s neither
“dirty” nor “pure”
- It unfolds in Me
in My own sweet time,
for sure.
To start progressing
I’m always waiting
for ideal circumstances.
But the time
doesn’t wait
- it simply passes.
I’m ever ready
for postponing
the improvement.
While the life
doesn’t stop
its forward movement.
I run in circles;
I repeat motions
and chew the same cud
over and again
That’s my pattern,
my road-map,
my unique plan.
Maybe there’s no way
out of it;
maybe I’m stuck,
keeping it happenning.
Or I just can’t
recognize yet
its Great Unravelling.
If I have to be
remorseful today,
let it be for
missing on You.
Let me brood over
my laziness
and fickleness
that keep me away.
And may I pray
to improve:
to remember You
more often
and longer;
to forget me
and my misery
more frequently.
May I wish
to stop wishing
once and for all
- not once in awhile –
and keep in mind
only Your palms,
Your eyes,
Your smile.
Even though I know
You’re my Creator,
my Sustainer
and my Refuge,
still, oh, still
I avoid meeting You
and postpone,
and refuse…
Why, my Lord
is it so difficult
- almost impossible! -
to have patience;
to wait and find out
how much more,
and more beautiful,
is possible?
Why do I jump
and leave
our meeting place?
Why, oh, why
I can’t sit still,
gaze at Your Face,
dive in Your embrace?
Nothing
is more important;
nowhere else
I’ll find peace.
But I run away,
escaping from
the real ease.
You love me,
I know;
I love You too.
But I’m too restless
for That Place
with no “me”
- only “You”.
You are the Sun
melting this glacier,
turning it to tears
and making them run.
May I not want
anything any more;
may my every thought
and this “me” disappear
when Your face appears
and comes near.
In that very moment
let my every
nook and corner
be filled with You,
and nothing else
left to say or do.