Arpan’a’

How to forget
what I once loved?
How to remove it
from my very heart?

Is there anything
longer or as hard?

Maybe it’s impossible
- it has nowhere “else” to go
but to keep returning
whenever possible.

Like it once filled me
now it surrounds me
form every side,
coming and going
with some Cosmic Tide.

It’s not “them”
- it’s me
and it has always been.
It’s my own loving
that reminds me
I’m still living,
receiving
and giving.

Ebb is my hate
that limits
what I can “have”.

Perhaps
we could have avoided
the mishaps.

Perhaps not.

Perhaps
the time-lapse
will give us insight.

Perhaps it can’t.

It happened.
It’s over
and done.

Life waits for
and broods over
no one.

Until I saw my own pictures
I just looked.
Then, like You,
I was also hooked.

At first I only sang,
then I heard my own voice
and realized:
You’ve made a good choice.

You’ve made me well
and made me do well,
as well.

May I stop
creating
and maintaining
differences
and start
dissolving them,
without (p)references.

Lord,
let me love: me
- each and every part -
like You do.

Or at least,
show me
- and convince me -
that I already do!

You are my Origin
and my Destination;
the Journey
and the journeyer too.

How come
I still think
there’s a difference
between us two?

Sweetheart,
when You’re
already here,
don’t just watch:
make me jump!

As many times
as You like,
but soon,
and up
and up…

I tilted,
I flipped,
I shook
and I froze…
but I didn’t really
look at You,
alert
- I merely doze.

Oh, Lord,
I still have
so much to learn,
passions to bridle,
prejudices to overcome,
dross to burn…

This choking
and my heart’s pain
- is it a delight
or is it a shame?

Am I glad
- is it an ecstasy -
or I’m regretful,
writhing in agony?

Your words
awaken and reveal
every dream
I did not live.

And I cry
in sorrow and joy
of remembering again
them all…