Arpan’a’

If I can’t forget,
and if it’s out of love,
then let’s meditate
on the God of Love
Who has granted
both pleasure and pain
and see if in the end
we’re united again.

The only way to “have you”
always with me
is to: realize our Divinity

- in the Eternal Infinity
we’re always and everywhere
only “here”, never “there”.

The pain won’t be hate
but just pain
when it’ll be free
from regret and blame.

When I browse
through my memory
sometimes I wonder:
what did you do to me?

What was it all about;
what was it for;
and how could “later”
spoil all the “before”?

Or,

was it all my fault?
Why did it happen?
How could I mistaken
a hell for a heaven?

But,

it wasn’t hell at all:
it really was a paradise
while it went on.
I just wanted – more!

And that’s the snake
which had split us apart,
like it did me
form every other heart…

Lord,

I haven’t forgotten
to thank and praise
Your Kindness and Glory
in the good days.

I did forget
to thank You again
when the flower of joy
withered into pain.

If I enjoy
it’s because I may,
not because I “must”.

And if I “must”
the pleasure is gone,
together with the trust.

If we ever come back
let it be a beginning,
not an end,
of new beginnings
without the middle
or the end.

Let us meet
only rarely
and accidentally,
with nothing much to say
or explain,
nothing to do,
nowhere to move
and no one to remain.

Why do I love you,
you once asked?

Because I can not
not love you
- if I wouldn’t,
my own heart
would be smaller;
my eyes darker
and my tongue more bitter.

You are my window
into a greater world;
the wings for a greater sky
and a message of beauty
like falling petals and stars.

I’d like to set free
a little monkey
imprisoned in your limbs,
light the firecrackers
under your eyebrows,
smooth the wrinkles
of fear and worry
and turn the curve
of your lips
permanently upwards.

And then I’d like you
to stick around
- loving me back -
and not fall out.

Whether I looked
or not
the snow kept falling
on and on…
And when I did
pay attention
I saw it’s worth
to mention
that the snowflakes
in their dance
revoked
that Old Romance
when a little girl
first knew:
watching snow fall
is a loving thing to do.

You’ve said that
I love You so much
but it’s difficult for me.

I agree.

I just wonder:
if it’d be easier
would it be better?

And would You
make it happen?

I’d devote my life
to loving the one
who’d devote his/her life
to loving me.

Ha!

So far,
the only one
fitting the bill
is: Divinity.

And, so far,
the only one
missing in the equation
is: me…

- perpetually distracted
from the Lord/Lady
without
and within.