So much sadness,
so little acceptance,
and, though I submit,
I never surrender
to the circumstances.

I’m afraid of “having”
because
whatever comes
also goes,
and my wounded heart
breaks and shatters
some more,
… while I cry,
have cried,
will go on crying
forevermore…

I do wonder
why is it,
and does it have to be,
like that…
… And will I figure it out
before I am dead.

When and how
will I be allowed
to know that sorrow
is optional
and suffering: avoidable?
That bliss
is constantly available
and me: willing and able?
That I’m not betraying
everything and everyone
by letting them
leave my life,
and that pain
doesn’t prove
the depth and strength
of my love?

That I’m not losing
anything,
have never lost,
will never lose
anyone,
and there’s nothing to miss
since
all are always here
and all is already found?

“Your arrow
has already struck
one target.
Your love
did pluck
one heart.

How to live alone now
when everywhere you left
your mark?”

His-story:

“Your fields
have fed
one hunger.
Your wells
have drowned
a thirsty one.

How to leave, alone, now
when for all time
I have been marked?”

Until we recognize
that anyone
and everyone
are “special ones”.

I’ve searched and I haven’t really found.
‘Cause I always went too far out.

Sometimes I look at myself and see
someone sane, gentle, beautiful,
telling others the wise stuff
and loving them the way they’d like.

Why couldn’t I notice my wonderfulness
from the very start?

I’ll find enough reasons
and plenty of reassurance
my life is safe
without further insurance,
and my word-shield
will drop
into oblivion.

A Silent, Gentle God
will take over
from that point on.

I like the right
“not to know”.
Because what’s not prescribed;
what’s not imposed,
I discover
- accept
and understand -
by my effort.

I like the fact
that I’m trusted.
Because it shows
that the One Who knows and does
It All
doesn’t worry and fuss,
being the Source, Journey and Goal
of all of us.

my sweetness is so delicious
and my fragrance so intoxicating
that you’ll be called and held
even without you noticing.

And you’ll stay in my flower-chamber
all through the moon-full night
- petal-doors and windows shut
and my embrace very tight.

Only when the Greater Light
rises upon the sky
you’ll be allowed
to bid me good-bye.

P.S.
If all you’ll be thinking of
is desperate escaping,
remember, I’m not your jailor
but, rather, protecting

your pretty wings and nose
from much bigger dangers:
the night is really, full
of bee-eating strangers.

I dread my selfishness
and my self-centeredness,
my cruelty,
my immaturity,
my waste of energy and time…

Oh, Ba’ba’,
let me love, truly love,
and let me be kind, really kind
- not closed, cold
and arrogant…